Déjà vu on the High Seas
By Skip Sheffield
Haven’t I seen this movie before? Yes I have actually.
“Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” is the fifth in a wildly
successful series starring Johnny Depp as pirate Capt. Jack Sparrow. In each
installment Depp has worn the same hat and the same heavy dark eye makeup. He
also clutches a bottle of booze and rambles around drunkenly. How this guy
could captain anything is a mystery, which is the one big gag of this series.
Depp has one trademark expression: eyes open wide with a look of astonishment
as if he was thinking I can’t believe they pay me to do this.
Well they do, and I am sure it is substantial. The saving
grace of this new installment is esteemed Spanish actor Javier Bardem. He plays
the dead Capt. Salazar, who roams the seas with an equally dead crew. Their
skeleton ship sails equally well above or under water. Also returning is Kevin
McNally as Jack’s first mate, Gibbs.
Returning from previous Pirates movies is Geoffrey Rush as onetime
foe Capt. Hector Barbosa, who is now buddy with Jack Sparrow. There are two new
pretty people; Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner and Kaya Scodelario as Carina
Smyth. Kaya is much more buxom than Keira Knightley, who returns in a pointless
cameo with Orlando Bloom.
In all this movie is pretty pointless, noisy and rambling,
but who cares? As long as people keep paying money to see Capt. Jack Sparrow,
they will keep churning these things out.
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