Not Much to Day About “Ted 2”
By Skip Sheffield
There is not a whole lot I can say about “Ted 2.” As a sequel it is more of the same profanity and crude humor, but less poop and grossness. This is a PG-rated blog; not an R-rated movie comedy, so I can’t quote much from the dialog. I will say it is funny with a few good zingers created by writer-director-producer Seth MacFarlane. Seth also provides the voice of the magic Teddy Bear who came to life to become the best buddy of Johnny Bennett (Mark Wahlberg). John is a grown man in his 30s with a severe case of arrested development. In the first film he falls in love and marries a girl named Laurie, played by Mila Kunis. In the sequel they are already divorced and Johnny is moping around while Ted the randy Bear has fallen in love with Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), a gum-snapping floozy from the first film. They get married in a civil ceremony presided over by Flash Gordon (Sam Jones, playing himself in a recurring role). Don’t ask how a fully-grown woman can marry a Teddy Bear. I can just imagine MacFarlane in a bull session with his “Family Guy” co-collaborators Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild dreaming up what bizarre scenarios they could conjure for woman and stuffed talking toy. How about artificial insemination so Tami-Lynn can become a mother? How about trying to steal sperm from New England Patriots star quarterback Tom Brady, again playing himself?
When that joke vein peters out (sorry), another plot complication is necessary. How about a scheme by Hasbro Toy Company janitor Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) to have Ted and Tami-Lynn’s marriage declared null and void because Ted is “not a person?” Yeah, and then Donny can steal Ted and rip him apart and discover what makes him so special so he can be reproduced. This way the “voice of God” lawyer played by Morgan Freeman can be introduced, leading to my favorite line in the movie by Ted” “I want to sleep on a bed made of your voice.”
Amanda Seyfriend does yeoman duty as John’s new love interest and Ted’s pro bono lawyer defender, Samantha Jackson. She sings a lovely version of “Mean Old Moon” that charms forest creatures a la Disney. The cameos are the best part of “Ted 2.” Liam Neeson pokes great fun at his macho image furtively buying a box of Trix kids’ cereal at the supermarket. John Slattery is Shep Wild, every slick lawyer you love to hate. John Carroll Lynch is Tom Jessup, every sneaky CEO you ever wanted to hate.
The first “Ted” earned $550 million worldwide, making it the best-selling R-rated original comedy ever. It’s hard to argue with those figures. If “Ted 2” doesn’t tank, we’ll probably see “Ted 3.”